Of all chemicals we talked about this is the best oxytocin. We already talked a bit about oxytocin with valentines day a few weeks ago. Oxytocin is responsible love, trust, friendship, safety, and all the good stuff. This is the reason we like to spent our time with friends even if we don’t do anything, just watching a movie and enjoying each others company is enough. There are multiple ways to get oxytocin:
- physical contact
- Acts of human generosity
We all know that hugging feels great, right? Shaking hands when you sign a deal also releases oxytocin. Let us pretend we were signing a deal you stick out your hand to me and say: “I’m so excited to do business with you” and I’ll be like: “I don’t need to shake let’s sign the contract, I’m also excited to do business with you”. then you’ll go: “great let’s shake on it than” and again I’ll be like: “no just sign, I agree to all the terms. Let’s get this over with”. The contract says you can get everything you want and need but business and relationships aren’t rational, they’re about feeling safe, feeling that we belong. One way we want to know that our deal, our relationship is solidified is with a simple handshake to exchange oxytocin. My simple refusal to touch you, to exchange my oxytocin means one of two things will happen. You will either completely scuttle our deal or you go into it nervous.
Human bonds matter.
Acts of human generosity
An act of human generosity is defined as giving of your time and energy and expecting nothing in return. Money doesn’t count, sorry. If I told you I gave a thousand dollars to charity this morning, what would you think? ‘yeah okay, do you want a sticker for it?’. Or if I told you that last weekend I gave up my free time to give handicapped kids the time of their lives. Then you would think ‘that’s good, I should do more’. The value of my labor was worth less than a thousand dollars, I could have hired a lot more people to do the same I did, but you see we as human animals put a premium on time because it is an equal commodity and it is a non-redeemable commodity. You spent money you make money, you spent your time you’ll never get it back.
A leader who says I pay for something for you is not a leader. A leader comes to you and asks: “how can I help you” is a leader. Leader are those who give is their time and give us their energy.
Doing nice things for people that require that you sacrifice a little of time and energy, something that you will never get back and if you expect something in return you wasn’t really giving, that’s not relationship building. If you don’t expect anything in return, that is how you get oxytocin. In fact, the more oxytocin you have, the more generous you become. It even gets better, when you have a lot of oxytocin in your body it will inhibit addiction, it boosts your immune system, it makes you healthier. That’s why happy people live longer, that’s why couples live longer. Oxytocin is actually good for us, it increases our ability to solve problems, it increases our creativity and it is not addictive. It just feels great but it will take some time to build up a lot of oxytocin.
Read also the previous parts: